I feel like the past 8 years has been a constant growth through change phase. As I’ve made my way into my 30’s I’ve noticed my many chapters and stages it’s taken for me to get here, today.
A place where I can say, with authentic love that… I simply learned to not give a single fuck about what other people think of me. And that my friends is a glorious place to live. But this shift didn’t happen over night at all. My life had to fall apart a few times for me to grasp full awareness of what needed to be changed. And 90% of what needed to be changed was me. And my why.
I needed to understand myself. Own my bullshit and take action to do things differently, with the most important thing behind that , my driver & my why.
Im 100000% guilty of pushing my body to look like other women, wanting to look like the cover of ridiculous fitness magazine’s. You know, the fake shit… call yourself on it. You need to do those self check ins once in a while. When I finally owned the fact that I was a huge part of the problem and I was ready for change finally, thirsty for more. It was that moment I knew that my whole life needs to be repaired into a more healthy, sustainable lifestyle. I realized that I couldn’t be doing this for anyone but me. That my health and being around to raise my babies was the most important thing to me. I had to shift, adapt and mind fuck myself into believing in me again. And trusting yourself when you feel out of control already, well, that is hard AF.
I didn’t gym right away, there was no was my out of shape ass was getting into a gym. So I found beachbody, and It worked. I would get up at 4am in our condo and slam some pre and press play! I lost 60 pounds, got pregnant with Miss Emm and I felt amazing. Beachbody worked for me until I craved that change/ more… I kept up with it but added in running!
I ran Emma’s whole first year with her in tow, I learned so much about my drive when I started running. I felt unstoppable, but surely… I needed more. We moved to Kamloops and I ran even more, but I couldn’t stop the chase. I completed a few trail runs and loved it everytime, adrenaline junkie for sure. The thrill of a chase!
I fell back in love with fitness at this point and started to want put some muscle definition back on my body, so I found my gym. This season of my life has been the hugest for me. I’ve gained so much more than muscle. For me, I fell into it so naturally, I’ve always been a strong person. That’s what growing up hauling/ chopping and stacking firewood & playing every sport your brother played, so you could keep up.
I kept running for years while I lifted. Until an unfortunate bar night killed my knee for the past time – woops. No more long distance running for this girl. #karmaknee
This forced me to grow and adapt one more time. How are you going to adjust- well, I’ll lift heavier and tune in my nutrition. And I did exactly that. I’ve ran once in just under a year… and yesterday I caught a glimpse of all that hard work and consistency, grumpy food moods… was alllllll MF WORTH IT. I SMILED SOOO HUGE. I built the peach and legs I once dreamed about!!! I MADE THOSE TRUNKS.
When you look back at your first chapter, for me that’s 250lbs Kailey just starting out, not ever did I think I would end up here. A place where I look at myself and love on my body for all the seasons it’s gone through, for teaching myself to trust me enough to keep going and adapting. For the first time in my life I’m not controlled and consumed by my binge and starve cycle. That I don’t have to weigh my food, I’ve listened long enough to know when my body needs what macros. Loving myself enough to drink water and eat proper. I invested In me. In longevity, to set a good example and help inspire the world to grow.
It’s taken me 8 years of ups and downs to get to this place. I’ve cried many tears, given up, fell off. But I’ve ALWAYS gotten back up, even better, with more knowledge, self love and compassion from the chapter before.
If something isn’t working for you. Try to change it up – Fresh beginnings often put us on a more aligned path. Because we might not know what works for us yet… but we for sure know, what doesn’t work now. Knowledge is power.
I’ve been working on this ass since May (when I stepped up my glute game) – it’s my goal. I no longer focus on the scale. I focus on intentions, mindset, my baselines and growing muscles.